Word Ninja

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I received the following e-mail from my office requesting details about a job I had recently completed:

Any chance you can whip up some fancy verbiage for whatever bad ass ninja skills you dropped on this job??? 😉

The job basically consisted of drilling a 2 1/4″ hole in the side of a counter to allow electricity to be run to a new cooler, but that’s boring. Also, the e-mail DID mention bad ass ninja skills. So I responded. I hope you enjoy.

Ooh . . . I get to word ninja? Sweet! Well, as always, the most effective way to complete a job like this is without the knowledge of the store employees. The Happy Valley crew was rather diligent, so this job required an extra long stakeout and more smoke bombs than I’m accustomed to.

Once I was inside there was a lot of skulking, slinking, and hanging between ceiling beams above people. None of this was actually required. It simply makes the montage scene more exciting.

Eventually I made my way to the left side of the counter behind the cash wrap. This was the only viable place to install the cooler. I verified that there were available outlets within 6′ and drilled a hole through the counter. Next, I swept up the mess. Finally, I installed the lil’ grommet thing with some silicone to hold it in place. Now for the exit!

My adversary approached with a smooth, confident stride. A self satisfied smile flirting along the curve of her lips. That’s when I noticed the movement on the edge of my field of vision. I’d been careless and allowed them to surround me. I closed my eyes and focused on keeping my breathing even.

“This won’t be as easy as Portland,” she sneered, “I wo-“

Her words caught in her throat as my eyes snapped open.

“No.” Her eyes darted around the cash wrap. “What have you done?”


A light blue gas began to spew forth from several floor vents. It swirled frantically in the air conditioned building, spreading much faster than I had expected. The shouts began immediately.

I could hear her minions attacking the shelving, each other, anything within arms reach. The manager took a step toward me, eyes ablaze. Her smoldering fury stoked to a blinding rage by the gas she’d breathed in.

The unlucky man that attacked her bore the brunt of that rage. I’d have to thank Telin again for that gas. In the ensuing chaos I slipped away. My prize, a 2 1/4″ disc tucked comfortably in my pocket. No. This hadn’t been as easy as Portland, but it had been much more enjoyable.